I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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