PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
