hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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