Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
