Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
