first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize