All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
