Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
