i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
