so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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