Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
