NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
