have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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