please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
