I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize