I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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