when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
