My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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