He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
