Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My dick has a subreddit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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