remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize