I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
