Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
