i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
