I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize