Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
