I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
