I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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