Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
