Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
