Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
