worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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