Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your dad touched me again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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