yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
