Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
