I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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