I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
