It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
