Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
