you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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