What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
