Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
