I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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