You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
