She said her name was "party"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
