So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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