Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
