I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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