please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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