ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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