Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
