grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My ass is underappreciated
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
