Who did Billy Mays play for?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize