My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
