You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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