I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
