I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
