OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
