my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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