he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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