Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
