How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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