u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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