you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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