just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
