I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
