i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
