Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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