you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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