Your dad touched me again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
