would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize