It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
