Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
