can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
