We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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