I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
