what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
