i may or may not be watching the land before time
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
