This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
