just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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