and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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