i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize