I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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