I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
