ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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