I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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