any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize