I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
