Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
